Failure
by Hot Llama
Summary: Garfield Logan stared at the wall in front of him. While normally shining with an overabundance of cheer, his emerald eyes were narrowed, cold, completely lacking of any emotion. She couldn't be. She couldn't be gone. She couldn't be dead...
1. Chapter 1

I have just one warning for you, dear reader...

JOO WILL BE SMACK'D WIT DA ANGST, YO.

That is all.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Teen Titans.

O RLY?

YA RLY!

**-Prologue-**

He couldn't believe... no. She wasn't. It was all a lie. They were all lying to him. They had to be. She wouldn't... she would _never_. She couldn't. It... it just wasn't possible.

Garfield Logan stared at the wall in front of him. While normally shining with an over-abundance of cheer, his emerald eyes were narrowed, cold, completely lacking of any emotion.

She couldn't be.

She couldn't be gone.

She couldn't be dead.

Cradling his face in his gloved hands, the changeling shifted his empty stare to the tiled floor of the restroom of Titans Tower. He had been sitting here for well over an hour, and that wasn't because of any... digestive problems. He had locked himself in the room, as it housed the one item that he needed to stop it.

He knew what it would stop, but he was afraid of what it would start.

Gar sat up, leaning his back against the wall as he directed his gaze to the sink. Reaching up, he grabbed one of the razors sitting by the porcelain indent in the counter, holding it carefully in two gloved fingers. He turned it a few times, watching the light glint off of the metal blade.

_Raven... you bitch._

The olive-skinned Titan flung the razor at the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his shins. Resting his forehead against his knees, Gar choked out a sob, his body shaking.

_How could she do that? What the hell was wrong with her? That stupid, selfish, rude, thoughtless, protective, kind, beautiful..._

He couldn't even mentally rant and insult her without his thoughts turning back to how wonderful she was.

No...

How wonderful she had _been_.

**-In The Beginning-**

"Say galorfnog!"

"Uhh.. gaforknoh?

The red-haired girl grinned as she held the camera up to her emerald eyes, closing one as she peered through the camera with the other. A bright light went off, and Raven and Beast Boy's image was captured on the film. Beast Boy grinned as he glanced up at his violet-haired companion, hoping she didn't murder him slowly and painfully for having proof that she had allowed him to drape his arm loosely around her shoulders. Instead, Raven shook her head, pulling away from the shapeshifter and folded her arms across her chest.

"Starfire, do you have to have that thing out?"

Starfire smiled brightly as she lowered the camera, nodding her head.

"Most certainly! I wish to record all of my time here on Earth!"

Robin's head snapped up from where he had been leaning against a tree, guarded from the sun by the shade that the large plant created.

"You're not going back to Tamaran, are you?"

Cyborg smirked as he walked over to his friends, a picnic basket tucked under one arm and a red-and-white checkered blanket under the other.

"Don't worry, Loverboy, I'm pretty sure your girlfriend is sticking around for a while."

Robin's face flushed a bright crimson, and he jumped to his feet, jabbing one finger towards their Tamaranean companion.

"She is _not_--"

He froze as soon as he saw Starfire's expression. Folding her arms across her chest, Star scowl deepened, and she tilted her head slightly to the side. When she spoke, it came out in a surprisingly frigid tone.

"I am not _what_, Robin?"

Robin visibly swallowed, his arm dropping to his side before he turned to glare at Cyborg.

"You set me up, you bastard!"

By this time, the mechanical Titan had collapsed on the grass, choking on his own laughter, and had almost immediately been joined by a smaller, green Titan. Raven, however, planted her hands on her hips, shaking her head.

"Morons. It's not _that _funny."

Beast Boy grinned, tilting his head back so he could see her.

"Yeah it is. You've just got the sense of humor of a... Star, what was that thing you told me about yesterday that looked like it had shoved a watermelon up its--"

"A woozlenorp?"

"Yeah. You've got the sense of humor of a toozlethorp."

"Woozlenorp."

"That."

Raven smirked slightly as she planted one foot on Beast Boy's back, giving it a shove and sending him falling forward onto his stomach.

"You don't even know what you're talking about."

Beast Boy shrugged a little as he rolled over onto his back, a confident grin squirming its way across his features. He waggled his eyebrows, hooking his hands together behind his head to act as a pillow.

"Maybe not. But I sound good saying it, right?"

Raven opened her mouth to respond, then frowned, glancing over at the other three Titans, who were all smirking as they watched her and Beast Boy. The dark-haired empath arched an eyebrow suspiciously. She had long ago learned to fear her friends when they were all wearing _that _look.

"What?"

Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg all looked at each other, their mischievous grins widening almost simultaneously. Robin, however, was the only one who spoke in response to Raven's inquiry.

"It's just pretty funny when you two start flirting like that."

Raven and Beast Boy's faces were almost an identical shade of maroon as they glanced at each other, both sets of eyes widening.

"We're not--"

"_I_ didn't--"

"It's not like--"

"And there's no way--"

"Y-you guuuuys! You all suck!"

Beast Boy sat up halfway, propped up on his elbows, and his whine quickly cut off as Raven kicked him sharply in the head, her normally pale face bright crimson.

"Just shut up."

Cyborg sniggered, folding his arms across his metal chest.

"You two are getting almost as bad as Robin and Starfire used to be. Just go out already!"

Raven's mouth snapped open, ready to, no doubt, inflict rather offensive and mostly likely profane words upon her friends, before she realized that Beast Boy was looking up at her, a look of deep thought upon his face.

"You know, we should go out. Want to?"

Beast Boy grinned up at her, mentally kicking himself for how blunt the question had been. _Stupid_, he thought. _Why didn't you wait until later? She's probably too embarassed to answer now, and if she does, it'll probably be no! Way to go, Logan. Your brilliance is equal to that of that... wigglethorp... thing._

"Um... okay..."

The green Titan blinked once with surprise, his grin fading as a look of pleasant surprise took over his face. Had he just been hearing things? ... Nope. Raven had her arms folded across her chest, her deep blue eyes directed to the ground, and she was shifting uncomfortably, just like she always did when something embarrassed her.

She had definately said it.

Beast Boy jumped to his feet, the cocky grin returning to his countenance as well as to the other Titans.

"Great! I mean, uh, cool."

The faint blush returned along with the grin as he realized how weird it was to show so much excitement over something as simple as a _date_. He barely had time to see Raven roll her eyes, muttering something that sounded vaguely like "I'm going to regret this" before Starfire had him and the Azarathean girl in a trademark Starhug.

"Magnificent! I am feeling much happiness for the both of you!"

Despite his inability to breathe, Beast Boy glanced over at Raven, offering her a tiny, amused smile.

To his surprise, Raven gave him one in return.


	2. Chapter 2

Dun dun dun... here comes the angst! Hoo boy...

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Teen Titans. Duh.

**-F-**

To say that he was nervous was the understatement of a lifetime.

Beast Boy poked his head out of his door, glancing down the hall at the room adjacent to his.

_Her _room.

The changeling gulped as he stuck one foot out into the hall, the rest of his body quickly following. Why had he even asked her out? Yeah, sure, he liked her, a lot. She was the only one who listened to his jokes, even if she never laughed at them. She was pretty, definately. She was always calm; Beast Boy had only seen her seriously angry a few times.

Those few times had scared the hell out of him, but still.

Drawing in a deep breath, Beast Boy knocked on Raven's door, pressing one of his pointed ears against the metal.

"Hey, Raven? Um, are you ready?"

He heard a small slam, like a desk drawer shutting, then the swish of a cloak, and he jerked away from the door just seconds before it slid open. Moments later, Beast Boy found himself being jerked into the dark room.

"Raven, what--"

His question was cut off by Raven's sudden kiss.

The door slid shut behind them, eliminating all light from the dark Titan's lair. Beast Boy blinked several times with surprise as his friend slipped her arms around his neck, and he carefully pulled away.

"Um, Rae, what are you doing?"

Not like he _minded _being greeted in such a manner, especially from a girl that he happened to have affections for. But, Raven? Kissing him? As far as Beast Boy knew, she didn't even like _hugs_.

To Beast Boy's mounting surprise, Raven giggled, resting her hands on his chest as she leaned her face closer to his.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

She pressed her lips against Beast Boy's, who frowned a little before he closed his eyes.

_Okay, that works._

Wait a minute.

_Did she just giggle?_

Beast Boy backed away from Raven, placing his hands firmly on her shoulders.

"Er, Raven? Are you okay?"

From as much as he could see in the dark, his fellow Titan tilted her head slightly to the side, grinning in an almost drunken manner.

"Duuuh. What makes you think I'm not?"

Beast Boy scowled as he removed one hand from her shoulder, reaching over to the light switch next to the door, and quickly flicked on a light. Raven made an almost yelping noise as her hands darted up to cover her eyes, and she groaned slightly.

"Ow, turn that off!"

The changeling carefully peeled her hands off of her face with one hand, using the other to shade her eyes. His own emerald eyes narrowed slightly as he realized her pupils were dialated, then quickly stumbled back with surprise.

"Raven-- are you _high_?"

Raven giggled again, pressing her hands back over her face.

"I sure hope so, because otherwise I'd be a little worried!"

Beast Boy stared at her in disbelief, before throwing his hands up in the air.

"Where the hell did you get drugs?"

Raven flinched, jerking away from him from surprise at his suddenly loud voice.

"I-I just-- I went to the cafe a little while ago, and the-there was this guy, and he had some... he said they w-would make things better..."

The olive-skinned Titan frowned slightly as his arms returned to his sides, and he shook his head slightly, too overwhelmed with surprise to really comprehend anything that was going on around him at a reasonable rate.

"What things?"

He spoke softer this time, as Raven had dropped her gaze, looking as though she might burst out in tears at any second. Beast Boy shook his head again, biting his bottom lip as he turned to switch off the light. When he turned back to his friend, he reached out, tilting her head up so he could look her in the eye. Raven hunched her shoulders as several items in the room became enshrouded in a dark aura, lifting up from their places and heading to a new destination in the room. In the newfound darkness, it took Beast Boy a moment to realize that she was crying. He sighed a little, then wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Raven rested her head in the crook of his neck, hot tears soaking into his shirt.

"Just... it's nothing."

Beast Boy grimaced a little, realizing he didn't really know how to comfort a crying girl, and hesitantly reached up to gently stroke her hair.

"Hey, I know you. It's gotta be something to make you go do something as stupid as using drugs."

For a moment, the shape-shifter wondered if he might have mistakenly insulted her, but Raven didn't move. The room was filled with complete and total silence before the telepath spoke quietly, almost so that Beast Boy couldn't even hear her.

"Um... a couple of months ago, when we were chasing Slade to the library... I-I tried to go home. Back to Azarath, I mean. And..."

Raven fell silent for several seconds, then spoke up again.

"Everything was fine, for a few minutes. Mostly. But... it was just an illusion. Trigon... T-Trigon had destroyed everything."

Her gentle weeping evolved into sobs that shook her entire body, and Beast Boy squeezed her gently, his expression softening into one of numb sympathy. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when he heard Raven's voice again.

"I-I keep having nightmares about it. It w-won't go a-away. And it's all my fault! I k-killed all those people! M-my own family!"

She silenced herself for a moment, her sobbing ceasing for the moment, and the volume of her voice decreased.

"I've tried everything to make it go away. At first I just tried meditating, but that made it worse. Reading doesn't help. I--"

Beast Boy glanced down at Raven as the dark girl shook her head slightly, and he frowned a little when she didn't finish her sentence.

"You what?"

He spoke gently as he continued to gentle caress her hair in an attempt to comfort her, and she sighed quietly, her voice cracking when she finally spoke again.

"I've been cutting my wrists for a while. It helps a bit, but only for a little while. I thought that maybe this would work better."

Beast Boy's eyes widened with shock as Raven started sobbing again, her shoulders shaking. The changeling rubbed her back gently with one hand, unsure of what to do or say.

_She... she's not suicidal, is she? I mean... there's no way that..._

_But she lost her home. And she thinks it's her fault. I can't imagine how that would feel._

He didn't know what to do, other than just hold her and attempt to comfort her. They stood there, the only sound Raven's quiet sobbing, various items glowing as the Azarathean's emotions stepped beyond the boundary of control. Eventually, the objects settled down as the female Titan's crying ceased, and, judging by her slow, steady breathing, Beast Boy realized that she had fallen asleep. He bent down, scooping up his friend's thin frame, and carried her over to her bed before gently depositing her on top of the mattress. He carefully removed her cloak, hanging it on the coat rack near her bed, before he slowly pulled the blankets out from underneath her, then pulled them up to cover her body. The green boy stepped back, watching Raven for a moment, before he turned and walked towards the door.

"Beast Boy?"

The gentle murmur froze him in his tracks, and he looked back at Raven. One of the violet-haired girl's eyes was cracked open, looking after him.

"Please don't leave me."

In the darkness, Beast Boy could barely see her lips move, and it was only because of his large, pointed ears that he could even catch what she had said. He offered her a small smile, even though he knew she wouldn't be able to see it, as he walked back towards her bed.

"I won't."

He could hardly see her mouth curve into a small, weak smile as he approached her bedside, and he kneeled down next to her, looking her straight in the eye.

"Raven... it wasn't your fault."

When Raven didn't respond, Beast Boy glanced at the floor, then shifted into a dark emerald kitten. He leapt onto her bed, curling up next to her. He looked up at his friend as she gently wrapped her arms around him, a single tear dripping down her ashen cheek.

**-F-**

Told joo. Sorry for the short chapter and the lack of updating, I've been at my mom's all week, and was seperated from my beloved laptop.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Teen Titans. Obviously.

**-F-**

She looked beautiful.

Beast Boy found himself staring, unable to tear his eyes away from the girl standing several feet in from of him. Raven shifted a little, reaching up to scratch the back of her head.

"Um... Beast Boy?"

The changeling snapped back to reality, blinking several times and grinning sheepishly.

"Er, sorry. You look really, really nice."

Honestly, he didn't think he had ever seen Raven out of her uniform. Now, he was surprised (well, he had always thought she was very good-looking, but in a different way) at how nice she looked. Apparently, Starfire had dragged the dark Titan to the mall and picked out an outfit for her; the knee-length red spaghetti strap dress was nothing that Raven would have picked out on her own free will. Matched with the dress and a bit of makeup, _nice _makeup, unlike the large quantity of dark eyeliner and eyeshadow that she usually decorated her eyes with, Raven looked stunning, in Beast Boy's mind. Robin and Cyborg had their fists in their mouths, failing at their attempts to not laugh at their fellow Titans. Starfire, however, was beaming, and had her hands clasped together behind her back. Raven glanced at them, a blush creeping across her ashen face at Beast Boy's words.

"Uh, thanks."

She shrugged a little, folding her arms across her chest, looking as though she was trying to figure out what to say next.

"You look, uh... cute?"

Robin and Cyborg lost it. The two male Titans collapsed on the ground in a fit of laughter, though Robin was quickly silenced by a sharp, discrete kick in the stomach from Starfire.

"I believe Raven is trying to say that you also are pleasant to look at."

Beast Boy grinned at Starfire's translation, glad that he had been able to find something to wear on his own that didn't look completely stupid. He'd been told before that he didn't exactly have the greatest sense of fashion, and he had to reluctantly agree. He slinked out his arm, slipping it around Raven's shoulders.

"And we're off!"

If Robin and Cyborg were going to laugh at them, he might as well give them a side ache, so at least they would suffer a bit. And from the looks of it, that was where it was going. Robin tried to contain his laughter, evidently afraid that Starfire might kick him again, but Cyborg had wrapped her arms around his stomach, doubled over with laughter as he watched his friends prepare for their date. Starfire smiled brightly, waving to Beast Boy and Raven.

"I wish you a most wonderful and pleasant evening!"

Raven glanced back at her friends as Beast Boy steered her towards the door of the operations room, and the olive-skinned Titan caught something glowing obsidian out of the corner of his eye, and he smiled, shaking his head as a loud yelp came from Cyborg.

"Let me guess... a stool?"

"Coffee pot."

"Hm. Would have thought a stool would hurt more."

"The coffee pot is made of glass."

"Good point."

He looked over at Raven, his smirk evolved into a small smile at their discussion of what things should be thrown at half-metal friends. Raven directed her gaze to the ground, clasping her hands together in front of her.

"Um, Beast Boy, about the other day..."

She glanced up hesitantly at him, and Beast Boy shook his head again, knowing what was coming next.

"Don't worry about it."

Raven pursed her lips, her gaze returning to the ground in front of them as they climbed the stairs that lead to the roof. Once they reached their destination, Raven lifted up into the air, while Beast Boy merely stood on the roof for a moment, admiring how she looked in the soft moonlight.

"Seriously, Raven, you look really pretty."

The empath looked back down at him, the pink blush returning to her pale cheeks before she looked away, wrapping her arms about herself.

"Let's just go."

Beast Boy watched her silently as she started to float towards the city before he shifted into a hawk, flying quickly after her with a few flaps of his wings. As much as he loved to talk to her, it was kind of nice to just be around her, to be in her company but not having to think of what to say, or how to say it. His dark eyes rested on his date as they flew, thoughts whirling through his mind.

_As wonderful as she is, I don't think she really realizes it. Every time I give her a compliment, she just blushes and tries to ignore it. _

_Does she even think there's one good thing about her?_

_Why is it so hard for her to believe that people can actually see something good in her? Why can't she accept that?_

He looked down at the water that they were currently flying over, trying to process on thought before he jumped into another. It was like Starfire had said a while ago, he supposed. There were a lot of things about Raven that they probably would never be able to even begin to comprehend.

But that didn't mean he couldn't try.

**-F-**

"I don't think I can move."

Raven groaned as she walked with Beast Boy to her room, reaching behind her to massage her back.

"I can't believe I did that."

Beast Boy grinned brightly, reaching over with one hand to massage her back, noticing that she was having a bit of difficulty in trying to do so herself.

"Neither can I. You were pretty good!"

Raven shot him a glare, which quickly evaporated as he continued to massage her back. She mumbled something along the lines of 'that feels really good' before she yawned widely, then reached up with one hand to wipe her eyes.

"Was not. You beat me about five times."

It had both surprised and delighted Beast Boy when Raven had actually agreed to play DDR, since he had neither ever known her to dance, nor play video games. Playing a dancing video game was pretty out there for a girl like Raven. The changeling shrugged a little as they turned down the hallway towards Raven's room.

"Maybe. But seriously, that's your first time ever playing? You did about ten times better'n I did my first time."

Raven nodded, reaching up to cover her mouth as she yawned again.

"Yeah, but now I'm so sore, I don't think I'm ever going to do it again."

Beast Boy laughed a little as they stopped in front of her door, and he removed his hand from her back, shoving his hands into his pockets. He tilted his head slightly to the side, peering up at her.

"But you had fun, right?"

Raven looked over at him, then at the ground, then back at her fellow Titan. She shrugged a little, folding her arms across her chest.

"Um, yeah. I did."

She offered him a small, almost invisible smile, which Beast Boy took to be a positive sign. He reached out with one hand, resting it on Raven's shoulder, as he looked her straight in her dark eyes.

"Raven, promise me you'll let me know if you need anything, okay? Anything at all."

The violet-haired girl's smile faded, and she looked towards her door, pulling away from Beast Boy's grip as her door slid open with a hiss.

"Good night, Beast Boy."

She disappeared into the shadows of her domain, turning to pull her door shut. Beast Boy watched her, his pointed ears drooping, and he dropped his gaze as he muttered one word.

"Gar."

Raven looked back up at him, her eyes narrowed with confusion.

"What?"

Beast Boy shrugged, one fang poking out of the corner of his mouth.

"Um, that's my name. Gar."

The Azarathean was silent as her gaze fell back to the floor, and she nodded her head once, mouthing "Oh" before she shut the door with a click. Beast Boy sighed and reached up, ruffling his spiked forest hair with one hand, before he sauntered down the hall towards his own room.

**-F-**


	4. Chapter 4

If you haven't seen Chronicles of Narnia, I demand you do so. I got the soundtrack for Christmas, so I've been listening to it nonstop :3 Heehee. The composer's brilliant, really.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Teen Titans. But I'm sure you could have figured that out, neh?

**-F-**

It hadn't been a very big fight, really. Not that much bigger than the ones they often had. Beast Boy would say something, Raven would throw in a sarcastic remark, Beast Boy would get mad and say stomething undoubtedly stupid, and it would all blow up from there. Then, later, they would shrug it off and apologize while passing each other in the hall. It was no big deal; they went on with life, and it never affected their friendship.

But this time, Beast Boy felt sick to his stomach. Because it had been four days since their fight, and he hadn't seen Raven, hadn't had a chance to apologize to her.

He hadn't had a chance to apologize for making her cry.

He wasn't even sure what he had said to make her do it. They had just been standing in the operations room, shouting at each other, their friends standing a safe distance away and looking as though they didn't know whether to interfere or stay where it was safe. Then Beast Boy had said something, he hadn't thought it was that big of a deal, but Raven had frozen in her spot, staring at him with wide indigo eyes. An uncomfortable silence had suffocated them, and Raven had strode quickly out of the room, reaching up to pull her hood over her violet hair.

She hadn't done so quick enough; Beast Boy had been alarmed to see a solitary tear stream down her pallid cheeks.

Now, the changeling stood in front of her door, his emerald gaze locked to the ground.

"Raven, will you at least talk to me? Even if you won't open the door?"

No answer came from behind the metal door he was currently in front of. Beast Boy sighed, reaching out to grab the handle of the door.

"Okay, Raven, hope you're decent, because if you won't come outside to talk to me, I'm coming in there to talk to you."

The door slid open, giving Beast Boy a bit of light in the dark room. He hadn't been in the room since the time that he and Cyborg had discovered her magic mirror, and he wasn't surprised that Raven's domain was still in perfect order.

Problem was, she wasn't in the room.

Beast Boy frowned, arching an eyebrow, before he backed carefully out of the room, sliding the door shut. He glanced up and down the halls, his frown deepening. If Raven wasn't in her room, where could she be? He had just been up on the roof, and he knew she wasn't in the operations room... he shrugged, deciding she had probably just gone into the city. The changeling slowly strode down the hall, hooking his hands together behind his head. He walked over to the bathroom, placing his gloved hand onto the door handle, and pulled it open. Quickly realizing someone was in there, his olive face flushed bright maroon, and he began to shut the door, stumbling back.

"S-sorry--"

His voice was cut off as he realized who was in the bathroom, and where. Beast Boy pulled the door back open, his emerald eyes widening at the scene in front of him.

A dark figure was lying on the floor, in a pool of crimson liquid.

"RAVEN!"

Beast Boy ran over to her, ignoring the sickening slop as his shoes collided with the blood on the floor. He bent over his friend, trembling, before he noticed the slow, wavering rise and fall of her chest. His breath came out in ragged gasps, feeling as though his trachea had closed up. He wrapped one arm around Raven's back, helping her into a sitting position. The dark Titan stirred slightly, her deep azure eyes opening slightly as she looked up at him.

"Gar?"

It almost killed Beast Boy right then, the mere way she feebly tried to speak. He looked down at her, feeling numb to the world around him. How-- why was there so much blood? What had happened?

Only then did the forest-haired boy seen her wrists.

Blood dripped freely from long slashes down both of her arms, adding to the pool already on the tile floor of the restroom. Beast Boy stared in shock, shaking as he looked back up to her face. He swallowed visibly, then wrapped his other arm around her legs, attempting to gather himself enough to be able to take her to the infirmary.

"Don't."

The amount of effort it took from Raven to speak the single word was enough to cause Beast Boy to listen, and he stopped, merely staring at her, confusion and horror swirling in his emerald gaze.

"You can't do anything. I've lost too much blood. It's too late."

Each word was spoken slowly and painstakingly, and Beast Boy shook his head, his gaze never wavering from her.

"Raven... please don't do this. Please. Can't you heal yourself, or something?"

His expression had switched from one of shock to one of begging, and he didn't care how pathetic it might be. He didn't know how much blood was on the ground, only that it was too much for the human body to survive without. Raven slowly shook her head, her eyes closing.

"Even if I wanted to, I couldn't."

Her first few words caused Beast Boy to stare at her again, trembling as tears began to roll uncontrollably down his cheeks. Even if she wanted to...?

_She wants to die._

The thought alone caused Beast Boy to choke out a sob, hating himself for being so weak. She had spent her whole life having to control her emotions, and having to deal with all of her pain alone, and having to endure all of the suffering that came with her powers, and as far as he knew, she had only cried once. And that had been when she was _high_, for god's sake. Couldn't he keep himself from crying?

As much as he tried not to, tears continued to drip down his chin, mixing with the blood on the floor as they landed. Raven's eyes closed, and Beast Boy wrapped his other arm around her, resting his cheek against her head.

_It's too late. She's going to die. And there's nothing I can do about it. There's nothing anybody can do about it._

"Gar?"

Beast Boy shifted his head so he could look at her. Raven's dark eyes opened slightly, and she looked up at him weakly before she muttered a few words.

"I'm sorry. Thank you for being so nice to me."

Her eyes closed again, and Beast Boy opened his mouth to respond before realizing that there was no point in doing so.

She was gone.

He heard footsteps outside of the bathroom, and he looked up to see his friends standing in the doorway, their stunned expressions almost exactly the same. Tears continued to run down Beast Boy's cheeks as he looked back down at what had just been Raven moments before, and he gently set her body on the floor before he stood up.

The blood that had soaked into his uniform was not his own.

He looked over at his friends. Starfire was crying, and Cyborg had a look of both grief and confusion; Robin just looked stunned. Beast Boy shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut as he pushed past them, striding quickly after him.

None of the other Titans followed.

**-F-**

The ride home from the funeral was a quiet one. Beast Boy and Starfire sat in the back seat, each leaning against the door on their side, both pairs of emerald eyes staring blankly out the window. Robin sat silently in the front seat, dully watching the scenery fly by, and while Cyborg was in the driver's seat, it was easy to tell that he wasn't giving the road his complete attention.

For some reason, the thought didn't frighten Beast Boy in the slightest.

He turned his head, looking at the other Titans. How strange it was, to see his normally cheerful friends so darkly clad, so depressed looking. Even Starfire, who seemed to be in a permanent state of bliss, was staring out the window as though she had lost her best friend.

Which, in reality, she had.

Beast Boy glanced down at his lap, shifting slightly in his seat.

"I--"

He stopped, wincing at the way his small voice shattered the silence. Almost immediately, the changeling wished he hadn't spoken, for Starfire and Robin looked back at him, and Cyborg glanced at him in the mirror. Beast Boy looked back out the window, his voice cracking as he spoke quietly.

"I knew. What she was doing, I mean. And I didn't do anything about it."

He hated the way his voice cracked, a faint rasp lacing its way through his words. He absolutely despised it.

Starfire and Robin stared at him, but Cyborg silently directed his attention to the road. The white lens of Robin's mask narrowed as he turned, facing the front again, and Beast Boy could see the shrug of his shoulders as he folded his arms across his chest. Starfire looked at the two male Titans in the front seats, then looked back at Beast Boy, her bright eyes clouded over with grief.

"It is not your fault, Beast Boy."

Her voice was quiet, gentle, and would have been comforting if Beast Boy could have believed her.

**-Epilogue-**

Gar stared at the razor that he had flung at the wall, his gaze never once flickering from it. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve, sniffling slightly, before he reached over to grab the razor. He watched the blade carefully as he held it, his brow furrowing into a frown.

It had been several months since Raven's death. He was surprised that the team had even held itself together, though just barely. He hadn't seen anyone crack a smile in far too long.

He had tried to get over it. Tried to get past the pain and the guilt that overwhelmed him day and night. He had figured that, eventually, the hurt would just go away, and he would be able to think about Raven without having to sit down from the immense pang of guilt that ripped through him. Time heals all wounds, right?

Whoever had thought of that clearly had never felt the kind of pain Gar was feeling right now.

There was no way

One second, he was holding the razor between two fingers. The next, he had pushed his sleeves up and slashed two long gashes on the underside of his forearms, blood dripping down his olive skin and onto the floor. Gar leaned his head back against the wall of the restroom, and closed his eyes.

_Save me a spot in hell, Raven._

And there he sat, silently awaiting death.

**-F-**

Omigahd, angst! Whee. Ohkay. If that bothered you, sorry folks, but if I don't have one cablooey of angst, all my other stories are going to have some, so I have to get it all out. Anyhoo, hope you enjoyed. Har dee har har.


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